help wanted (and needed)

Recently, I received the resume of a man who has been chronically underemployed for as long as I've known him. I think I might know why. I'm not sure how a person with a PhD has failed to learn these resume tips:

• Resumes should be no more than two pages, not five.
• Do not note it took you 7 years as a full-time student to earn your doctorate, especially if it was in a soft science and did not involve any field or lab work.
• Do not go back 35 years, listing every summer job you ever did, including a month as a camp counselor in 1975.
• Maybe "puppetry" should not be listed as a special skill.
• Under professional involvement, do not list every task you did for an organization as separate items.
• And above all, do not list deceased people as references. And admit it. Referring potential employer to a letter that resides in your undergraduate file from the early 1970s.

Comments

[Jess]

Ha! Puppetry. Do they give PhDs in common sense?

[bug_girl]

I once received a multi-page CV written in PENCIL for a faculty position.

Sometimes it's rather obvious why people don't get the jobs they want.....

[Nuthatch]

It wouldn't surprise me if you get this same resume...don't say I didn't warn you.

[isaac]

Alas, common sense is taught neither in the PhD or post-doc training. I've seen many an ivy league educated idiot.

[Hawkeye]

Hey,

Would I know this person by chance? I think I do.......

[Aydin]

>do not list deceased people as references

That wouldn't be a bad thing to do if the job opening was in Count Dracula's castle.

[Sarah]

This post cracked me up. I manage hiring for my group (public health research) and there is no end to the amusement provided by applicants. I just stumbled across nothired.com recently - I think you should probably forward this resume to that site!

[Nuthatch]

nothired.com is hilarious!! Thanks for the link. Meanwhile, scroll to the bottom of this serious online resume.