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simplify, simplify
A few of you have written to share concern. Some of you are much more attentive and interested than I could have imagined.
We have agreed to postpone the wedding and engagement for now, and to take a little break. All of our efforts have led to this moment: she is able, at long last, to give me everything that I need, and that she has; I am exhausted, and concerned that I am in no place to appreciate what I have waited for. Were we to proceed at full steam, I would resent her every effort, and she would believe that her best was not enough. All along she has lamented that she is incapable of grand gestures such as the ones I have made for her; when this weekend she agreed to let go, and to trust that this circle will close again, she proved herself very wrong.
So the dull hum that became a roar has now reduced itself to a single unwavering note, quiet and sustained; perfect, even. This note is the steel thread that runs between the two of us. It is where we began. To realize that it is a certainty is deeply moving; what it is cannot change, and even if plans are scrapped again and again, we will always come back to this.
The resulting calm is restorative. This is right.
Comment on this entry
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September 4th, 2006 at 12:22 am
Hi there,
I’m one of these anonymous people who read your words, your blog. Not daily, but nearly so. I just want to tell you to take care, listen to yourself - and to Susan, don’t do anything rash, but be careful not to put so much distance between you two, that you can’t reach each other anymore. From the words I’ve read on both your blogs in the last months I have a feeling that loosing what you two are sharing would be a shame. Work on it. It is worth it.
(Excuse me if I stepped over the line here - english is not my “mother tongue” and my personal beliefs sometimes clash with the american way of superficiality. The whole concept of “How are you” and not listen to the answer is beyond me. I just wanted to tell you to keep trying. Even if it means to take a step back.)
Barbara
September 4th, 2006 at 12:59 am
That’s exactly what we’re doing, Barbara. Thank you.
September 4th, 2006 at 4:27 am
Hopefully everything will work out for the best. At this time your listening to what your heart is telling you. No person can do wrong if they listen to what their internal instinct is telling them. Best wishes.